A few moments to blog before I start getting ready for work. I am trying so hard to hold it all together and I know I am a little ragged around the edges. Yesterday was fathers day and I took another pregnancy test and it was negative. Looks like cycle 3 of clomid was not a success. My wonderful husband was so sweet the whole day but I know we both feel something is missing in our lives. We have so much love to give but its just not happening for us.
On a positive note I am looking into an international adoption agency we can adopt through Russia and only have to wait about 8 months for a baby girl. I am happy with this because this is infant to 8 months old so the wait in retrospect is not that long. Money is our only real obstacle at this point. But I have some plans in motion for that as well.
I am consolidating all the debt my husband and I have and I am going to start paying 259.00 a month to care one and in two years we will be debt free. That in itself is a pretty big deal. I'm excited and to be honest I want it all to be handled and dealt with so we can move forward. I am also in major countdown for graduation so cant wait for that!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Ugh Moments
So I decided to take a pregnancy test. According to my Clear blue electric monitor I never made it past bar 2 but I took strip tests in between, and I think I ovulated. Of course it said negative, why would it read anything different? Maybe it is to early to test as today is only day 30 and I did not Ovulate till day 20. So ten days is not really a long enough to test by. I also have to wait till I'm about to start my cycle I'm only 25 days since the last day of my cycle. Who knows maybe.
I do try not to get myself to excited each month. But I have to test due to the fact I have to start provera to make the monthly cycle start then on to clomid so I can start ovulation that may or may not happen.
Work is going strong and school is great I made the deans list making a 3.75 GPA which is pretty great. I go to open house for my Masters on the 24th its all coming so quick especially graduation which occurs at the start of December. I cant believe it so soon and my BA degree will be complete. I know I can have it all I just wish the baby would happen as well....
Saturday, June 12, 2010
2nd Part of Intro
So right now I am working for domestic violence/Sexual assault. Its a job that really matters to me. I would like to do more in the field but Ive got to get that piece of paper lol. On that matter I am working on my BA is psychology and will graduate at the Start of December. Right now I am down to six classes and I am so excited.
Between all the hours I work and school I don't have a lot of time to myself. My 19 year old stepson lives with his dad and I so he is a part of our lives. Being a stepmother with only an 8 year difference between us has been rough and at times overwhelming but I am all he has. I think its important to love the kids your spouse may have from a previous relationship it makes things easier.
My health has not been so great I am really overweight which I think makes conceiving that much harder on me. I was born with something called Congenital Pseudoarthrosis of the Tibia. I was also born without an ankle it makes exercising hard but I do try to suck it up. So I think the weight is also a huge problem.
The other problem is remaining romantic while trying to have a baby. I'm not gonna lie its to the point I'm never in the mood and its become all about charts and temperatures and is the pillow adjusted right. I mean infertility and trying to conceive can take over your life. Sometimes I get so angry at my husband because I do all kinds of things to my body to try and make ovulation and fertility happen and all he has to do is shake one out lol.
Its so important to remain loving in all this. There are enough stresses with the fact we work and go to school. Adding in this little problem has made things a little harder. I think that if you can make it through this in a marriage you can do just about anything lol....
Between all the hours I work and school I don't have a lot of time to myself. My 19 year old stepson lives with his dad and I so he is a part of our lives. Being a stepmother with only an 8 year difference between us has been rough and at times overwhelming but I am all he has. I think its important to love the kids your spouse may have from a previous relationship it makes things easier.
My health has not been so great I am really overweight which I think makes conceiving that much harder on me. I was born with something called Congenital Pseudoarthrosis of the Tibia. I was also born without an ankle it makes exercising hard but I do try to suck it up. So I think the weight is also a huge problem.
The other problem is remaining romantic while trying to have a baby. I'm not gonna lie its to the point I'm never in the mood and its become all about charts and temperatures and is the pillow adjusted right. I mean infertility and trying to conceive can take over your life. Sometimes I get so angry at my husband because I do all kinds of things to my body to try and make ovulation and fertility happen and all he has to do is shake one out lol.
Its so important to remain loving in all this. There are enough stresses with the fact we work and go to school. Adding in this little problem has made things a little harder. I think that if you can make it through this in a marriage you can do just about anything lol....
Friday, June 11, 2010
Intro
I'm going to make this intro a work in progress for now. I work a lot so its hard t blog about anything in one sitting. This was my first concern when I thought about starting a blog. What will people think about the fact I am so random in my thoughts and not often able to finish my thoughts? I figure those of you who may actually read this will understand so it all good. My name is Carolina But I go by Kat. I always hated my name because my parents did not name me as far as they were concerned I would have never had a name, this however is a blog for another day lol.
I'm 27 and I have been married to the same man for 9 years. Though 14 years my senior most days we agree on somethings and just try and ignore the others lol. We are both about to graduate in Dec with our BA degrees in Psychology and start our Masters in clinical counseling in Jan. We both work high stress jobs mine with abused women and his with people who have substance abuse problems. I myself can be a closet drinker so its nice to be married to someone who understands my issues.
We have been trying to get pregnant for a few years now and I recently started clomid. The problem is with me not him so its been my own struggle. I am overweight (again an issue for another day) have PCOS and only one working Fallopian tube. The reason I am sharing all this is because infertility can take over your life. People who want children and cant have them struggle every day to come to grips.
The positive note is there is so much good in my life that this is really the worst of it. I was a foster child so I want to have children to love its a need I cant seem to rid myself of. I hope my struggle is not permanent but if it is we take the hand we are dealt. I can say having it all is something I work for I want good things for myself, but the question I ask myself often is does having everything I want make up for not having the one thing I dream of?
Well this is pretty much it for intro part one. My chi poo Chico wants snuggles and I have homework to do and work tomorrow so till later readers.
I'm 27 and I have been married to the same man for 9 years. Though 14 years my senior most days we agree on somethings and just try and ignore the others lol. We are both about to graduate in Dec with our BA degrees in Psychology and start our Masters in clinical counseling in Jan. We both work high stress jobs mine with abused women and his with people who have substance abuse problems. I myself can be a closet drinker so its nice to be married to someone who understands my issues.
We have been trying to get pregnant for a few years now and I recently started clomid. The problem is with me not him so its been my own struggle. I am overweight (again an issue for another day) have PCOS and only one working Fallopian tube. The reason I am sharing all this is because infertility can take over your life. People who want children and cant have them struggle every day to come to grips.
The positive note is there is so much good in my life that this is really the worst of it. I was a foster child so I want to have children to love its a need I cant seem to rid myself of. I hope my struggle is not permanent but if it is we take the hand we are dealt. I can say having it all is something I work for I want good things for myself, but the question I ask myself often is does having everything I want make up for not having the one thing I dream of?
Well this is pretty much it for intro part one. My chi poo Chico wants snuggles and I have homework to do and work tomorrow so till later readers.
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